Losing.

Refer to the title.
That's what I'm going to talk about in this post.

I recently lose a friend who once means so much to me.
She was a good friend of mine.
We talked a lot before. We even shared our secrets and talked in private twitter accounts.
We literally became best friends since then. Somewhere in 2011.
But it all ended last month, which I never realized.
I rarely talked to her because I was busy as hell. And she's busy too.
I don't want to disturb her.
I was wondering where she went for that long.
She didn't tweet anything. No update at all.
Then last night my heart somehow tells me to check her friend's twitter.
Just in case they mentioned anything about her.
And yes, bingo. They talked to her, in twitter, with different twitter account.
She made a new twitter account without telling me.
She even put it in private mode. I can't view anything.
But judging from her friend's tweets with her, she doesn't look as busy as I expected.
Well yeah. She's busy but not that much.
I'm literally heart broken upon seeing that.
Truth does hurt right? :(

Well I don't blame her.
I rarely talk to her even when she needs me.
I wasn't there for her that much.
Fuck everything that was on our way.
I deserved this. Even though it hurts.
Dear friend, I just want you to know that I'm thankful for everything you did for me.
I'm thankful cause I got a chance to get to know you and became your bestie.
I miss you. I wish I could make it up to you.
I love you friend. I'll always pray for you.
There goes one of my very few close friends. /sighs/

There's another one though.
We were once extremely close.
I called her "omma" and she called me her "baby".
She seems busy with her life so I don't dare to disturb her.
But I can't lie that how much it hurts me that I really want to go back to the old days.
We talked a lot. We laughed together, leaned on each other, etc.
But now. I'm probably don't even cross her mind.
I swear I miss her. I'm totally hurt because she even forgot my birthday.
I know it's not important to her.
But to me, when someone forgot my birthday, it means I'm not important to her/him.
I was waiting till midnight. I thought she would pop out in my mentions or text me.
But no, I didn't receive anything. No signs from her.
I tried to be positive so I waited for a week.
And now after more than a month, she don't even talk to me.
I can't be positive anymore. I guess I'm not important to her.
I decided to let her go. Even though it hurts.
Dear Nana Omma, I miss you so much. I miss the old us.
I know I can't turn back the time. I can never make it up to you.
I know how much I hurt you. I don't deserved to be your friend.
I hope you'll find good friends and live well.
I'll count you in my prays.
It was nice being able to get close to you.
Thanks for everything.

There's this girl who I used to be close with.
Her name is Tisha.
I wasn't a good friend for her.
I treat her badly, which I regret.
She was a very good friend.
Somewhere around this year, I tried to make it up to her.
But I saw that she seems to be busy with college stuffs and.......... new friends.
Since then, she rarely talk to me.
I don't blame her because I deserved to be treated like this.
And she deserved new friends after she went through so much.
But there's one day, it's my birthday.
Same thing happened like Nana omma, she didn't wish me.
I was badly hurt.
After that, I let her go too.

These three were once my good friends.
They're no longer here by my side.
Even now, my few close friends seems to be keeping distance from me.
I can feel it. /sighs/
I don't want to hold them back anymore.
What's the use of holding back if I will only hurt them and vice versa?
It's time to let them go.
Bye dear friends. I'll miss you.