Missing..

For the past two weeks we couldnt talk that much.
He has been very busy with his work..... I guess.

I didn't mean to doubt him but honestly, this is too much.
Like seriously, can't he spend at least an hour or 30 minutes for me?
Just asking how well I was doing while he's gone.
It's not that I assumed him to be just fine.
I mean well yeah of course he's stressful and restless because of his work.
But the thing is, I missed him.
I missed him too much. I'm not used to being away from him like this.
We talk a lot, everyday. Then he suddenly acted like this.
I couldn't process my mind, I still can't accept this.

He should have at least let me know what's keeping him busy.
If he's doing well, got enough sleep, didn't skip meals.
He spammed me two days ago, when I was asleep.
He said he's been hella busy and he finally got his holiday.
But he spent it with his coworkers.
I didn't mean to control his activity or his life.
But seriously, 30 minutes talking to me wouldn't hurt right?
Maybe he got drunk right after the dinner, that's why.

I'm deeply disappointed, really.
I feel so unimportant and forgotten.
Is this the end for us?
Before we could even reach 4th monthsary?
I dreamed a lot about him, about our future.
I guess its my mistake that I'm expecting too much from him.
From what I feel and see, he is someone that you can trust.
Maybe I was wrong, since the start.
Did I perhaps fall in love with him because he's a Korean?
Or maybe because he got it all to be the perfect guy?
His appearance and wealthiness.
But honestly, I fell for him since the moment he protected me and our ic relationship.
Even before I get to know his real self.
Eventhough it wasn't real, but I'm touched.
Or maybe perhaps I was just too lonely that I mistook my feelings?
Shasha, what the hell is wrong with you?
My mind says let him go but my heart says otherwise.
Which one should I follow?

Honestly, I don't want to lose him.
But what's the point anyway? It feels like this is only a one-sided love.
I'm so mad at myself.
Why is it so easy for me to love someone?
Why do I love someone with all my heart?
It's going to be broken anyway.
You are plain stupid, Shasha.
You were fooled before, you experienced this.
Why do you still let yourself suffer like this?
My heart hurts so much.
I hope he still could save it.
Like he always did, effortlessly.
I feel like a fool.
This is not good for someone who is still sick.
I think I'm gonna cry.

I miss you so much, bae. :'(