Hold On..

Hello again.
It has been more than two weeks since I last updated this blog.
I've been busy with college stuffs and holidays.
So yeah, it's my second semester.
I got quite decent result for the past semester.
I got into Dean's list with my pointer overall 3.78.
It was quite satisfying. Alhamdulillah. ^^

So, referring to the title, I'm gonna talk about my love story.
My previous post wasn't that good, I know.
Every relationships has its ups and downs, right? ^^;;
So yeah, he managed to win my heart again effortlessly.
But ever since we couldn't talk that much, he changed a lot.
He became super clingy and overly possessive on me.
I guess the quote "Absence makes heart grew fonder" works in our relationship.
We have been spending most of our time together lately.
He even sacrificed his sleep time for me.
Recently, he only sleep for an hour everyday.
Then he will drink 5 cups of coffee to keep him awake.
I asked him why he did that. Is it because he doesn't want to sleep or he wants to talk to me?
He replied "Both? But to be honest, mostly because I want to talk to you."
That kid is so sweet. I just don't know how to control my feels anymore.
I feel like I want to fly to California right now and hug him every single second.
People may call it cheesy but you wouldn't be able to grasp this situation if you don't experience it yourself.

Oh love, look what you've done to these lovebirds.
I'm so madly in love with him. I just can't express it with words.
Too bad I can't show it with actions.
Long distance relationship is meant to be difficult but it's worthy for those who remain strong and patient.
I've been in LDR before but this time it feels different.
I don't know how to express it with words.
But one thing for sure, I never want to lose him.

Bae, no matter what, I hope you won't give up on me.
We will meet someday and let out all our feelings.
I know this is hard but hold on, for me please.
I love you and always will be.
I have faith in this relationship.
You belong with me and I belong to you.
That is all that matters.

Missing..

For the past two weeks we couldnt talk that much.
He has been very busy with his work..... I guess.

I didn't mean to doubt him but honestly, this is too much.
Like seriously, can't he spend at least an hour or 30 minutes for me?
Just asking how well I was doing while he's gone.
It's not that I assumed him to be just fine.
I mean well yeah of course he's stressful and restless because of his work.
But the thing is, I missed him.
I missed him too much. I'm not used to being away from him like this.
We talk a lot, everyday. Then he suddenly acted like this.
I couldn't process my mind, I still can't accept this.

He should have at least let me know what's keeping him busy.
If he's doing well, got enough sleep, didn't skip meals.
He spammed me two days ago, when I was asleep.
He said he's been hella busy and he finally got his holiday.
But he spent it with his coworkers.
I didn't mean to control his activity or his life.
But seriously, 30 minutes talking to me wouldn't hurt right?
Maybe he got drunk right after the dinner, that's why.

I'm deeply disappointed, really.
I feel so unimportant and forgotten.
Is this the end for us?
Before we could even reach 4th monthsary?
I dreamed a lot about him, about our future.
I guess its my mistake that I'm expecting too much from him.
From what I feel and see, he is someone that you can trust.
Maybe I was wrong, since the start.
Did I perhaps fall in love with him because he's a Korean?
Or maybe because he got it all to be the perfect guy?
His appearance and wealthiness.
But honestly, I fell for him since the moment he protected me and our ic relationship.
Even before I get to know his real self.
Eventhough it wasn't real, but I'm touched.
Or maybe perhaps I was just too lonely that I mistook my feelings?
Shasha, what the hell is wrong with you?
My mind says let him go but my heart says otherwise.
Which one should I follow?

Honestly, I don't want to lose him.
But what's the point anyway? It feels like this is only a one-sided love.
I'm so mad at myself.
Why is it so easy for me to love someone?
Why do I love someone with all my heart?
It's going to be broken anyway.
You are plain stupid, Shasha.
You were fooled before, you experienced this.
Why do you still let yourself suffer like this?
My heart hurts so much.
I hope he still could save it.
Like he always did, effortlessly.
I feel like a fool.
This is not good for someone who is still sick.
I think I'm gonna cry.

I miss you so much, bae. :'(

Dreams

Hello again. It's been a long time since I updated this blog.
Well I've been quite busy with my tiring life. Glad that I have some time to write a post here.
You have no idea how much I missed you bloggie. >_<

So yeah. There's nothing interesting about my life recently.
Still the same old life. But a bit more productive than 2013.
I've been busy with my mom's business every weekdays.
I literally don't have much time to rest which is why I'm sick now.
But its okay. I can handle it. :)

By the way, last week I got a call from this college under MARA. I forgot the name.
They offered me to study in Bachelor of Business Administration for 3 years.
It also come up with a scholarship from MARA. Almost everything is free.
But sadly, I had to decline the offer due to some personal matters.
Chances like that rarely come in my life. It means a lot to me, especially in my situation.
I kind of regret it but yeah, its probably not my luck.
What goes around, comes around. Life goes on.

Oh yeah. Here I am in Semporna. I just got back here last month.
I seriously missed being here. KK was fine too but I didn't have the chance to enjoy it.
But there's this one odd thing about my house.
I'm always sick. Like seriously.
I don't even know why. Its probably because of the weather.
But yeah. I can't deny that I somehow feel odd.

Okay. Enough with the intro. Lets refer to the title.
I had a dream of this particular person who once means everything in my life.
Its kinda weird that he appeared in my dream all of a sudden. He never once crossed my mind since the last time we talked to each other. I can't recall when was it.
In that dream, we were still in a relationship just like years ago.
The difference is we were far more romantic and passionate towards each other. *LOL* awkward~
But yeah. Thanks to that dream. I'm having mood swings today. =__=
I hate that kind of dreams. It gives so much effect on me since I'm a loner now.
I don't know why. I just can't open up my heart to any guys for now.
But I can't deny the fact that I missed being loved and care by someone.
I'm just that complicated. *sighs*

So yeah. I missed him. He was the one who brought me into love life.
I appreciate it though the feelings are faded away.
I wonder where you are now. I hope we could at least talk again like before, just be friends.
But I know you don't want it. Its okay. I clearly understand.
To you, please be safe and I hope you'll be successful in life and meet someone far more better than the once that you loved before, including me.
Thats all I wanted to say. Good bye. :'(