Feeling much better.

Hi there.
So, it's past 12AM and I'm still awake. /lol/

I was chatting with Pjot and Zai, my two beautiful and lovely lil sisters.
They listened to my problems even though Pjot is sick. Poor baby girl.
I cried while talking to them. It feels so much better after letting it all out.
It's usually hard to express my real feelings toward people.
And if I do, it means I'm comfortable with that person.
That's why I love these two. I'm gonna cherish them forever. :')

We were talking about family matters, peers, our feelings, etc.
As usual, family matters always stressing me out.
I don't know when it will end. /sighs/
Same goes with peers problem.
I just don't know how to ignore them so that I won't be effected this much.
I'm such a gullible and weak girl.
Be strong Shasha! >_<
About my feelings, I just hope that Chunji will find someone that he will love till the very end so that I can move on. It'll hurt more than I thought but I'll bare with it. :)
These are only like 5% of what we talked about.
I'm too tired to write it all. /lol/

Actually, I haven't finish decorating my blog.
But I have to ask my buddy for opinion.
I'm afraid that if I add more, it'll be very heavy.
But I think it's too plain.
I just don't know what to do more. /lol/

To Fazeera Ainna who is reading (practically stalking) my blog now.
Please give me your opinion soon. /lol/
Or I'll flip you into the sea along with your caps lock.
Muahahaha~ xD

Sleepless Night ♥

So, I had done few changes to my blog to make it more neat.
I'm not really satisfied for now but I really like my new playlist and template.
It's a very cute and lovely combination. ♥

Actually, I'm quite tired because I've been handling house chores yesterday.
Well, my mom is sick and I just want to be a good daughter. /slaps self/
And I went out with Lovee to Maybank then I treat her snacks since we're both kinda stress right now.
That's how i became so tired. Yeah yeah right.
I think I'm getting headache. /yawns/

Today I'm gonna reveal my imaginary boyfriend that I always talk about all these while.
His name is Lee Chanhee a.k.a Chunji. He's a member of a South Korea boy group named TEEN TOP.
I'm practically just a fan that he didn't know. That's not the most pathetic part yet. /lol/
I've been liking K-Pop for almost a decade. I changed bias quite often.
But it all changed in 2011. It's all because of Chunji.
I see him not as an idol or artist, but as a guy that I fall in love unknowingly.
I still remember some day in February 2011, I was crying so hard because of my stupid crush.
He chose his girlfriend who treated him like a slave or whatever and unofficially dumped me.
Well, it's okay. I don't give a damn anymore.
Back to the story, so yeah. I was crying so hard the whole day then suddenly I saw Supa Luv MV on TV.
This cute boy with a puffy cheeks and white + red hair color attracted me a lot.
I eventually stopped crying then focused on watching it.
After that, I google-ed a lot about him then start watching their videos.
They slowly brought back happiness in my life and that's how I moved on.
Since then, I keep them in my thoughts every day. They become as important as my family are to me.
I never thought that I could actually fall in love with an artist like this.
But it doesn't matter to me anymore. Like people said, love is blind. ♥

My love for Chunji didn't grow easily as that though.
It took time and surprisingly amazing.
Because of him, I believe in telepathy. I'm not joking.
I'm quite surprised how there are so many similarities and coincidence happened between us.
If I make a list of it, I would need more than a day I guess. /lol/
I'm not making up story okay? It's based on what I feel and what my friends saw.
At first, I thought it's just merely coincidences. But then someday my friends started to realize it.
They even said "your telepathy is no joke.", "are you secretly keep in touch with chunji?", "is he stalking you omg he did everything like you wanted", etc.
Their every words still fresh in my mind. /lol/
Apart of that, I fall for his charms. He never fail to amaze me.
He's kind, caring, lovable, naughty, surprisingly shy and less talkative, clumsy, cute but cool, and most importantly NATURALLY HANDSOME. /lol/
He may not be as famous as others but I prefer it that way. His humble self is just nice to see.
There is just something about him that I really want to know and listen to his thoughts.
I wish I could talk to him one day and get to know him better. ♥

♥ I love this guy unconditionally ♥

So, that's it for today.
Good night pals. Have a sweet dream. ♥

T.I.R.E.D

hi. erm so... yeah. referring to the title above.

i dont know when will my post be an interesting one.

in other words, HAPPY. sighs

i'm tired physically and mentally.

i'm tired of having to hold it in even though how much it hurts me.

i'm tired of being useless.

i'm tired of losing friends.

i'm tired of being a loser.

i'm tired of everything.

i'm seriously tired.

i keep losing friends these days. i dont know if i can say that i still have friends.

its painful at how they only take advantages of me then just leave me hanging.

its always me who started everything. and i swear i'm tired of it.

please. i have heart too.

and i'm unemployed. it makes me feel like a useless person because i'm not even studying.

i was working but i had to quit due to some reasons.

when i want to get my salary, they kept making excuses.

its been two months but i haven't got my salary.

i decided to let it pass.

i'm such a bad luck.

i have no improvements in myself.

maybe its my fault too.

i just....... dont know what to do with my life anymore. sighs

i'm not trying to whine but i'm almost at my limit.

i'm a human too. i'm not perfect.

ya Allah... can You please just give me someone who would really understand me?

i know i should go to You instead. i'm a sinful person.

please forgive me ya Allah.

is this a payback for all my sins? i must have committed too much sins that it become so hard to the extent that i feel like dying.

i'm no one to question this. i know.

please forgive me.

i'll always believe that you have a better plan for me.

maybe all these pain will change to happiness some day.

i'll wait for the day.

i believe in you ya Allah.

12/11/2013. Gloomy birthday.

Hello. It's 9:11PM and I started to feel sleepy.
But I don't want to sleep yet.
So, today is 12th November 2013 which means my 20th birthday.
Welcome to young adult era, Shasha.
I didn't notice any difference yet so it's just another normal day for me.
My sis bought me a cake. We ate it together then go to each others' room.
It's not really a celebration to be honest.
Well, it's fine. I understand that they're kind of busy and tired.

I'm quite disappointed at how some of my friends and acquaintances didn't wish me yet.
They knew my birthday but they seems to forgot it or they don't have time for me.
It's okay sha. It makes no difference. They'll eventually leave and forget everything about you.

Been lying here on my bed for the whole day. Nothing special to do.
As I stare blankly onto the ceiling, thoughts starting to fill in my mind.
And of course, the majority is negative.
I feel so useless. I've been feeling this way for as long as I remember.
Doing nothing, being unproductive, not even a single change.
I envy those who work, study and do some good deeds.
You never know how stressful it is to be this way.
It becomes more stressful when no one really understand you.
They'll said "you're just lazy and effortless." or "stop being whiny. isn't it good to sit and do nothing?".
I swear. You never know.
You never know how much I want to change and being productive.
You never know so stop judging me.

Listening to That Winter, The Wind Blows OST just add in the sadness and sorrow feelings.
Tears falling unknowingly as I keep on thinking.
Somehow I think I'm at my limit but I wonder why am I still survive?
It's all thanks to Allah.

I miss him. My love.
I miss his laugh, his smile, his voice, his everything.
I need him to cheer me up. To make me strong.
If only I'm given a chance to hug him and cry in his embrace once. /sighs/

Summary.
It's a gloomy birthday for me.

-THE END-

Oh wait. It's not the end yet. /lol/
He surprised me before my birthday ends!
I tweeted to him "My birthday almost end. Can I at least get a good night selca as a present? :("
And tadaaa~ He tweeted a selca after few seconds with a caption "Good night Angels♥"! Kyaaaa~ I'm dying! /lol/
This is why I love you baby boo! ♥♥♥♥
It's a bittersweet birthday for me. :P

나의 마지막 사랑. My Last Love.

안녕하세요 여러분. 오늘 뭐해요? ㅋㅋㅋ
Okay I'm gonna write in English because I'm not that fluent yet.
So, how are you my invisible readers? /lol/

It's 2:12AM and I couldn't sleep.
Because of what?
That's what I'm going to talk about in this post.

It's because of HIM.
who's HIM?
He is...... hopefully..... My Last Love...
If its by Allah's will, he will be my last love...
I really hope he will..

I've been thinking of him every single seconds..
From the moment I wake up till I sleep at night, he's on my mind.
Whatever I do, I go, I buy or anything.... I thought of him.
Last Saturday, I went to watch sunset..

I cried alone because how I wish he was there with me.
I want to marry him, have kids, enjoy our life and grow old together.
I never thought of marrying before, even though I was in relationship few times.
But he give me this feeling like "He's the one for me!" which is quite impossible. /lol/
I wish I can just go tell him to marry me but that ain't sweet. /sighs/

And by the way, I just knew he had a warm body temperature.
It makes me want to be in his embrace all the time.
I dont want to let him go. I'm afraid he'll be taken away from me.
I'll probably be miserable. or worse.
I just hope he'll be mine, forever.

You're my last love, you are my last love

You're my last love, the person that will stay 'till the end

The one gift that I have received from the harsh world

A different miracle in front of my eyes

You are the last love

Good Morning! ^_^

Hello readers!
It's 6.50am here and I'm feeling fresh! :D
I slept very late last night but I woke up at 5.30am.
It is all because of my online games. /lol/
I'm currently playing ChefVille and Fashion Designer on Facebook.
I don't really like Facebook but the games are seriously tempting. /lol/
I have no choice.

Just done editing my blog post about my charity project.
Final edit! We have about 1 month and 2 weeks left.
I'm so scared. I just hope it will go as planned.
Time flies so fast huh? The day we planned this project was 7 months ago.
We thought we will have much time to do everything slowly.
Now we have to work fast. /sighs/

I don't have much things to say.
So, that's all for now.
Toodles~ ^o^