Losing.

Refer to the title.
That's what I'm going to talk about in this post.

I recently lose a friend who once means so much to me.
She was a good friend of mine.
We talked a lot before. We even shared our secrets and talked in private twitter accounts.
We literally became best friends since then. Somewhere in 2011.
But it all ended last month, which I never realized.
I rarely talked to her because I was busy as hell. And she's busy too.
I don't want to disturb her.
I was wondering where she went for that long.
She didn't tweet anything. No update at all.
Then last night my heart somehow tells me to check her friend's twitter.
Just in case they mentioned anything about her.
And yes, bingo. They talked to her, in twitter, with different twitter account.
She made a new twitter account without telling me.
She even put it in private mode. I can't view anything.
But judging from her friend's tweets with her, she doesn't look as busy as I expected.
Well yeah. She's busy but not that much.
I'm literally heart broken upon seeing that.
Truth does hurt right? :(

Well I don't blame her.
I rarely talk to her even when she needs me.
I wasn't there for her that much.
Fuck everything that was on our way.
I deserved this. Even though it hurts.
Dear friend, I just want you to know that I'm thankful for everything you did for me.
I'm thankful cause I got a chance to get to know you and became your bestie.
I miss you. I wish I could make it up to you.
I love you friend. I'll always pray for you.
There goes one of my very few close friends. /sighs/

There's another one though.
We were once extremely close.
I called her "omma" and she called me her "baby".
She seems busy with her life so I don't dare to disturb her.
But I can't lie that how much it hurts me that I really want to go back to the old days.
We talked a lot. We laughed together, leaned on each other, etc.
But now. I'm probably don't even cross her mind.
I swear I miss her. I'm totally hurt because she even forgot my birthday.
I know it's not important to her.
But to me, when someone forgot my birthday, it means I'm not important to her/him.
I was waiting till midnight. I thought she would pop out in my mentions or text me.
But no, I didn't receive anything. No signs from her.
I tried to be positive so I waited for a week.
And now after more than a month, she don't even talk to me.
I can't be positive anymore. I guess I'm not important to her.
I decided to let her go. Even though it hurts.
Dear Nana Omma, I miss you so much. I miss the old us.
I know I can't turn back the time. I can never make it up to you.
I know how much I hurt you. I don't deserved to be your friend.
I hope you'll find good friends and live well.
I'll count you in my prays.
It was nice being able to get close to you.
Thanks for everything.

There's this girl who I used to be close with.
Her name is Tisha.
I wasn't a good friend for her.
I treat her badly, which I regret.
She was a very good friend.
Somewhere around this year, I tried to make it up to her.
But I saw that she seems to be busy with college stuffs and.......... new friends.
Since then, she rarely talk to me.
I don't blame her because I deserved to be treated like this.
And she deserved new friends after she went through so much.
But there's one day, it's my birthday.
Same thing happened like Nana omma, she didn't wish me.
I was badly hurt.
After that, I let her go too.

These three were once my good friends.
They're no longer here by my side.
Even now, my few close friends seems to be keeping distance from me.
I can feel it. /sighs/
I don't want to hold them back anymore.
What's the use of holding back if I will only hurt them and vice versa?
It's time to let them go.
Bye dear friends. I'll miss you.

Mood Swings.

So, referring to the title above.
Erm. Yeah. I'm having a mood swings right now.
I hate it. But it's unavoidable. /sighs/

It was a boring day. I got nothing much to do.
I've been living like this since December 2012.
It's already a year passed and I'm still useless.
New year resolution my ass. =__="
When I was still in high school, I was hoping for this. Holiday.
But now I somehow regret it. That's what people said.
Be careful what you wish for cause you might get it.
I should be grateful instead.

Just now, I was creeping in Facebook.
I saw few stuffs that I liked and I checked on updates.
And that's when my mood swings started. /sighs/
I saw this girl. About 3 years younger than me.
She's my ex classmate's girlfriend.
It's not that I'm jealous. Duhh~
I saw their conversation. My friend is being his playful self with his gf.
It's really cute. He have always been playful to us but the feelings are different.
Maybe because he loves her so much. I never knew he's caring. /lol sorry not sorry/

Okay back to the story.
So yeah, I literally stalked her. /lol/
She's quite rich. She's cute and pretty too.
Me being the typical girl /lol/ are envy of course.
She got everything I always wanted (except for her bf lol).
I stalked one of my peers too.
She's quite annoying so I hate her. /lol/
But she's getting pretty and stylish.
Let me cry in the corner for the rest of my life. :(

I was someone who didn't care about beauty stuffs.
But hey. I'm a girl too okay?
Who wouldn't feel down seeing other girls prettier than you?
I wanna be pretty but only for some people, like my future husband and Chunji.
I wanna wear cute clothes and accessories, I wanna wear lovely shoes.
I wanna go on a date. I want to be love.
It's been awhile I'm single.
I just can't open my heart because of my confidence.
I want my boyfriend proud to say "Hey. That's my girl." when he introduce me to his friends or anyone else.
Everything doesn't seems to work for me. /sighs/
It's okay. Like mom always said, patience is virtue.
If I wait a little longer, maybe I'll get more than I expected.
Allah knows the best. :')

I'm getting sleepy. I should sleep now.
Goodbye readers. ^_^

너에게 연애 편지 a.k.a Billet-doux

차니야~ 지금 뭐해? 리허설?
아니면 자고 먹어? ㅋㅋ

음~ 기분이 엄청 이상해.
내 몸이 많이 아파서 그래.
근데 이건 정말 싫어.
힘이 없어. ㅠㅠㅠ

아 맞다! 나고야 제프투어 어땠어?
재밌지? 다행이네. ^ㅅ^
오늘도 남바 콘서트 잘해! 틴.탑.화.이.팅.우! ㅋㅋㅋ
나도 일본에 가고싶은데 돈이 없어.
실망해~ 그치?
괜찮아! 다음에 봐라~ 꼭 봐!! ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
보고싶어서 죽을것같아~ ㅠㅠㅠ

차니야~ 내 맘 알아?
난 널 너무 좋아해. 어떡해?
솔직히 말해봐. 여친 있어? 그냥 말해. 괜찮아.
나 이해했다고. 거짓말하지마.
대답해줘~ ㅎㅗㅎ
너무 궁금해서 잊이못해. ㅠㅠㅠ

나의 사랑아~ 내 얘기 좀 들어봐.
그동안 너무 고마웠어.
우리가 만날때까지 기다릴게~
이 세상에서 너만 보여~
너 밖에 없어서 내 맘 많이 아파.
이 사랑은 너무 힘들어.
근데 난 괜찮을것같아. 걱정하지마.
이유는 알아?
사랑하기 때문에. 진짜로!
사랑한다 이찬희... ㅠㅇㅠ

-샤샤가-

사랑해 자기야~

Oh Good.

Hello there. Good morning!
Today is such a lovely day. Perfect weather is a mood booster. ^_^
오늘 날씨 너무 좋아서 기분최고다! ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Done chores early in the morning.
I've been doing this for a week. Hihi
They're quite satisfied with the new me. /lol/

Watched a movie in Diva Universal channel.
The title is "You May Not Kiss The Bride". /lol/
It's about a guy who owed the girl's father but he repay him by marrying his daughter.
They're foreigners so the girl didn't have a green card (those who stays in America need that for citizenship).
So, the marriage is most likely a contract marriage.
Each of them have their own boyfriend/girlfriend.
They went to Nuku Hiva Island for honeymoon. I swear it's breath-taking beautiful.
They eventually developed feelings for each other.
But obstacles were on the way. Apparently, the girl's boyfriend are using her for money.
He hired some guys to kidnapped her during their honeymoon and made it look like it was her husband's work.
Just then he realized that he loves her and he tried to rescue her.
Many things happened but I'm too tired to write it all. /lol/
In the end, they live happily ever after.

I really wanna go here. Nuku Hiva Island.

So, that's all for today.

I think I need a nap. Kinda tired now.

안녕~

Feeling much better.

Hi there.
So, it's past 12AM and I'm still awake. /lol/

I was chatting with Pjot and Zai, my two beautiful and lovely lil sisters.
They listened to my problems even though Pjot is sick. Poor baby girl.
I cried while talking to them. It feels so much better after letting it all out.
It's usually hard to express my real feelings toward people.
And if I do, it means I'm comfortable with that person.
That's why I love these two. I'm gonna cherish them forever. :')

We were talking about family matters, peers, our feelings, etc.
As usual, family matters always stressing me out.
I don't know when it will end. /sighs/
Same goes with peers problem.
I just don't know how to ignore them so that I won't be effected this much.
I'm such a gullible and weak girl.
Be strong Shasha! >_<
About my feelings, I just hope that Chunji will find someone that he will love till the very end so that I can move on. It'll hurt more than I thought but I'll bare with it. :)
These are only like 5% of what we talked about.
I'm too tired to write it all. /lol/

Actually, I haven't finish decorating my blog.
But I have to ask my buddy for opinion.
I'm afraid that if I add more, it'll be very heavy.
But I think it's too plain.
I just don't know what to do more. /lol/

To Fazeera Ainna who is reading (practically stalking) my blog now.
Please give me your opinion soon. /lol/
Or I'll flip you into the sea along with your caps lock.
Muahahaha~ xD

Sleepless Night ♥

So, I had done few changes to my blog to make it more neat.
I'm not really satisfied for now but I really like my new playlist and template.
It's a very cute and lovely combination. ♥

Actually, I'm quite tired because I've been handling house chores yesterday.
Well, my mom is sick and I just want to be a good daughter. /slaps self/
And I went out with Lovee to Maybank then I treat her snacks since we're both kinda stress right now.
That's how i became so tired. Yeah yeah right.
I think I'm getting headache. /yawns/

Today I'm gonna reveal my imaginary boyfriend that I always talk about all these while.
His name is Lee Chanhee a.k.a Chunji. He's a member of a South Korea boy group named TEEN TOP.
I'm practically just a fan that he didn't know. That's not the most pathetic part yet. /lol/
I've been liking K-Pop for almost a decade. I changed bias quite often.
But it all changed in 2011. It's all because of Chunji.
I see him not as an idol or artist, but as a guy that I fall in love unknowingly.
I still remember some day in February 2011, I was crying so hard because of my stupid crush.
He chose his girlfriend who treated him like a slave or whatever and unofficially dumped me.
Well, it's okay. I don't give a damn anymore.
Back to the story, so yeah. I was crying so hard the whole day then suddenly I saw Supa Luv MV on TV.
This cute boy with a puffy cheeks and white + red hair color attracted me a lot.
I eventually stopped crying then focused on watching it.
After that, I google-ed a lot about him then start watching their videos.
They slowly brought back happiness in my life and that's how I moved on.
Since then, I keep them in my thoughts every day. They become as important as my family are to me.
I never thought that I could actually fall in love with an artist like this.
But it doesn't matter to me anymore. Like people said, love is blind. ♥

My love for Chunji didn't grow easily as that though.
It took time and surprisingly amazing.
Because of him, I believe in telepathy. I'm not joking.
I'm quite surprised how there are so many similarities and coincidence happened between us.
If I make a list of it, I would need more than a day I guess. /lol/
I'm not making up story okay? It's based on what I feel and what my friends saw.
At first, I thought it's just merely coincidences. But then someday my friends started to realize it.
They even said "your telepathy is no joke.", "are you secretly keep in touch with chunji?", "is he stalking you omg he did everything like you wanted", etc.
Their every words still fresh in my mind. /lol/
Apart of that, I fall for his charms. He never fail to amaze me.
He's kind, caring, lovable, naughty, surprisingly shy and less talkative, clumsy, cute but cool, and most importantly NATURALLY HANDSOME. /lol/
He may not be as famous as others but I prefer it that way. His humble self is just nice to see.
There is just something about him that I really want to know and listen to his thoughts.
I wish I could talk to him one day and get to know him better. ♥

♥ I love this guy unconditionally ♥

So, that's it for today.
Good night pals. Have a sweet dream. ♥