stressful day :(

Hey readers.. :)
How was your day?
Mine was..... refer to the title please... /sighs
Okay.. lemme start from the beginning..

Last night i stayed up late at night...
The reason was... my friend said STPM result going to be reveal today..
Its not that i'm nervous...
I was checking on it through sms..
But then it said the service is still unavailable.. i tried twice and got the same response..
Since i'm quite disappointed, i went to sleep without saying goodbye to tlist...

Then early in the morning...
I woke up at 6:34am.. pretty early huh? Idek why.. orz
The first thing i did when i open my eyes was re-check my result.. same response, again.....
I gave up and went to online...
I checked DMs and mentions in twitter and replied to it... checking on some updates.. yeah, i'm a bit outdated these days... ><
Done with that, i went to eat and sleep again.. otl

Throughout the day, i received many bad news and some good news.. idek how to response to it so i ended up listening to music and eat.. i have no life...

Talk about life....
I'm having a mental breakdown right now.. Like seriously...
My friends were all like "I got a job!!" "I'm going for a vacation!!" This and that whatsoever~
Then there's me.. /otl/
I wanted to work... so bad...
But idek why i'm stuck here in my house... Being unproductive like i always am.. /sighs/
I was the one who said "I'm going to work after stpm!" to my friends but then they were the one who got job first.. This month included their 3rd salary.. Then there's me again.... /otl/

You guys have no idea how much i really want to work and being productive to my life.. i never meant to live like useless crap! ㅠㅠㅠ
I do have my own dreams.. and i want to make it true...
I do have my own desires... but i cant get it till now....
I dont want to blame anyone but i cant help it...
If it wasnt bc of you ppl, i would have gone there and got my 2nd salary by now... sighs
I feel so useless.. i'm such a failure..
I shouldnt have blame them... afterall, its my fault....

I'm gonna stop here bc totally blank...
Bye guys... take care and have a nice day...
1:55am, signing off! Xoxo

You are the Straw to my Berry :)

ahhh it's been awhile~ hurhurhur ^.^
i miss my bloggie! :(
actually i dont really know what to say. sighs
what did you call this? writer's block?
yeah. something like that. LOL xD

today was a decent day for me.
too much feels to contain and lots of things surprising me.
but tomorrow is the real thing.
so yeah. farewell my sanity. LOL
i'll dig a grave for myself tonight. xD
oh wait. no i can't tell you what it is because shhhhh~ my precious secret! ;)

actually, i'm quite busy these days.
i'm handling a worldwide charity project to help those in need.
its a secret though. none of my irl friends know. hihihi ^.^
only my family, baby boys, company and twitter friends knew about this project.
i got 4 twitter account. my followers rapidly increased.
first account = 780+ followers,  second account = 6000+ followers, third account = 70+ followers, fourth account = 10+ followers. LOL third and fourth account are for my private thingy. :D
people may see it as troubling but to me, i'm glad to handle these accounts because each account has it's own thingy. LOL :D
twitter is like part of my life. my life is dull without it.
i share my feelings, problems, routines, thoughts, etc.
it's even more enjoyable with my twitter friends.
language and cultural barrier never been the reason for us to be friends.
no offense but i do think most of them understands me more than my irl friends.
sometimes, even people who are closer to us cannot be trust because it's easier for betrayal to occur in the friendfuckingship. LMAO
well, i'm just sharing my thoughts. i don't give a damn whether you want to agree with it or not. :D
however, i'm glad to have these people in my twitter world. :)

i'm waiting for this Sunday. 24th February 2013. :)
the reasons? well, it's our 2nd Anniversary. ^.^ (plus it's my bro's birthday too)
oh no. not an anniversary of the love thingy.
it's our anniversary of friendship! :D
me, hittsu and sua~ my precious 93 liner besties :3
they're both Korean. how i wish i was there so that we can celebrate it together. :'(
we could only celebrate it by chatting and sharing photos.
we promised to buy cakes too! of course our favorite, Blueberry Cake! our official color! hihihi ^.^
ahhh~ my honey, i'll go there someday and we'll celebrate it together! i promise you~ :3
anyway, i'm thankful to these baby boys who have been the reason why we found each other and became friends till now. :3
one of them is my baby boo of course. *blushing hard*
Baby Boo, I LOVE YOU! *flying kiss*
you did so much for me. you've changed my life.
i'm thankful to Allah because it's His way to be the guide of my dark life.
i can never express how thankful i am.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. :')
and i miss you too. :'(
three weeks of jetlag were tiring for both of us. sighs
but it's for your future so i don't mind. :')
glad that you're back home now. >.<
baby boo, no matter what happened, i'll cherish our love and moments together.
i'll always pray that we'll be together forever.
i want you to be my friend, my husband and the father of my kids.
if we're not meant to be together, i'll pray for your happiness.
our love is the sweetest thing.
i'll be sure to tell our love story to my kids someday. :')
i didn't get to tell you all these things because i'm too shy.
sometimes words aren't enough to express how i really feel for you.
thats how much i love you.
someday, i'll show you my love just like how you showed it to me.
awww you sweetie cutie pie! :D
well, i am your Miss Right! ^.^

okay. i'm tired and i need a rest.
gotta hit the sack! good night bloggies~
xoxo <3 p="">I Love You My Mr. Right. :')

i don't give a damn~ :D

today is a happy + sad day! :"D
long time no see you lil bloggie.. LMAO
what can i do? it's not like i ignored you intentionally..
it's just...... i'm busy? LOL yeah right..

today was not a great day for me in school..
yeah.. my school life sucks.. i bet yours not..
like what people said.. school is the best moment of life?
HAHAHA yeah right.. shit happens okay.. not everybody faced the same fortune as you did.. =__=
i got bashed by some of my friends because of badmouthing thingy..
gosh.. you're in a rude awakening girl..
you're nobody.. i don't even know your last name..
it's just a waste of my precious saliva..

but it's all over the moment i reached home..
my sweetheart is waiting for me! (my bed~)
it's always been great to spend time at home..
with my comfy bed and twitter!
ahhhh~ this is life! :D

i complained bout my shitty life to my most beloved korean friend, sua sshi! kkk
she's beautiful and cute and wonderful and EVERYTHING!
she's always been the one who cheer me up recently..
she's an ANGEL.. :')
she asked me to ignored those people.. they're just bunch of fools..
she even said that i just need to remember her, my bestie and my 'ehem2'! kkkk
shut up.. i won't tell you who's that lucky guy.. ;)
but it's seriously a great day for me..
we talked a lot.. laughing like a maniac here in front of lappy..
i don't give a damn yaww~
it's the real me.. deal with it.. ;)

to my non-existent readers..
that's all i wanna say..
need to prepare something for a lovey dovey guy..
my oh my oh my oh my booooooo~ XD
so yeahh.. bubyeeeeee~
see ya next time? i don't know when it'll be.. LMAO

ppyong ppyong! :3

life.

hi bloggie..
how are you? hope you doing fine..
don't be like your owner.. *sigh*

okay.. referring to the title..
L.I.F.E......
do you know what it means?
to be honest, me myself didn't know how to explain..
but i know for sure.. it's unfair, kinda happy and painful..
well, i think it's only for me..
to others, enjoy your life and learn how to appreciate it.. :)

ya Allah.. please hear me..
i know i'm wrong.. i only look for you in my hardness time..
it's my biggest fault in life..
i didn't realized.. every happiness that i've been through.. it's all because of YOU..
all my life.. since i was just a kid, i never had a wonderful life..
in family aspects, economy, and not to mention, relationships..
it's okay.. i know there's hikmah behind it..
but i wonder why.. until now.. i still 'tidak sedar'..
i rarely think about You.. i'm being selfish..
i forgot Your existence..
ya Allah.. please give me chance..
give me hidayah.. i badly need it..
lead me to a better way..
forgive all my sins..
insyaAllah.. i will learn to be a better person..
i need Your lead ya Allah..

the reason i don't feel better now is the same old things..
who knew me, they will surely can catch what i'm trying to say..
ya Allah.. seriously.. i need someone to lean on now..
not just someone.. it's THAT someone..
i need him.. i had a feeling, only him can understand me..
why are you so far away? i'm in this kind of situation, seriously i need you..
how i wish this year will end much faster..
if needed, i will run away from here.. i won't continue this pre-u test..
i can't focus! dammit..
it'll be good if you're here.. to encourage me.. T^T
i guess i'll have to wait a lil more time.. *sigh*

that's all for today..
i'm moody..

its okay..

long time no update bloggie..

i dont want to explain why..

its been always the same reason.. *sigh*

today i skipped fast.. my head feels like about to blow..

plus gastric's attacking me..

aigooo~ so many health problem.. >.<

actually, i think its also bcoz of stress..

i admit it.. i am damn fu**ing stress these days.. -__-"

bcoz of school, friends, feelings and also family..

i am such a strong girl coz i still can smile and pretend like there's nothing happened! XD

i am proud of myself! haha!

but.. its hurting me..

i dont know who will be the most suitable person to share with..

my mouth wont say anything when it comes to my own problem..

i just dont know why..

i'm thinking on deactivating my FB and change this bloggie into a private diary..

its not confirm yet, just maybe..

that's all for today..

bbyong~

Dropping Rain~

Smiling as you say goodbye,
You said to me "be happy, as though nothing wrong"
Looking your back as your walked away
I prayed you wouldn't cry because of me
If I see the flowing tears
I can't leave
I can't let you go
Because the rain was falling
It was really ok
I couldn't see your tears..

it was ok
it's all right..

I couldn't hold you back
cause the rain that could wiped out all the painful memories in your heart was falling down
time passed,
You thought you could forget
It seemed as if nothing was alive
Looking your back while you walk alone
Even today the rain fall down..

I tried to stop
Your tears that were flowing
But it's not possible for me to make you smile
Because the rain was falling..

It was really ok
I couldn't see your tears
It was ok
It's alright..

I couldn't hold you back
'cause the rain that could wiped out all the painful memories in your heart was falling down'..

Don't go
Don't leave..

I'll say this words to your heart
Because your heart was crying and the rain was falling
Because my heart was crying
My tears falls down
Because I loved you
I couldn't hold you back..

I'll Embrace the sorrow in your clear and gentle life
I thought I may become the rain..