T.I.R.E.D

hi. erm so... yeah. referring to the title above.

i dont know when will my post be an interesting one.

in other words, HAPPY. sighs

i'm tired physically and mentally.

i'm tired of having to hold it in even though how much it hurts me.

i'm tired of being useless.

i'm tired of losing friends.

i'm tired of being a loser.

i'm tired of everything.

i'm seriously tired.

i keep losing friends these days. i dont know if i can say that i still have friends.

its painful at how they only take advantages of me then just leave me hanging.

its always me who started everything. and i swear i'm tired of it.

please. i have heart too.

and i'm unemployed. it makes me feel like a useless person because i'm not even studying.

i was working but i had to quit due to some reasons.

when i want to get my salary, they kept making excuses.

its been two months but i haven't got my salary.

i decided to let it pass.

i'm such a bad luck.

i have no improvements in myself.

maybe its my fault too.

i just....... dont know what to do with my life anymore. sighs

i'm not trying to whine but i'm almost at my limit.

i'm a human too. i'm not perfect.

ya Allah... can You please just give me someone who would really understand me?

i know i should go to You instead. i'm a sinful person.

please forgive me ya Allah.

is this a payback for all my sins? i must have committed too much sins that it become so hard to the extent that i feel like dying.

i'm no one to question this. i know.

please forgive me.

i'll always believe that you have a better plan for me.

maybe all these pain will change to happiness some day.

i'll wait for the day.

i believe in you ya Allah.

12/11/2013. Gloomy birthday.

Hello. It's 9:11PM and I started to feel sleepy.
But I don't want to sleep yet.
So, today is 12th November 2013 which means my 20th birthday.
Welcome to young adult era, Shasha.
I didn't notice any difference yet so it's just another normal day for me.
My sis bought me a cake. We ate it together then go to each others' room.
It's not really a celebration to be honest.
Well, it's fine. I understand that they're kind of busy and tired.

I'm quite disappointed at how some of my friends and acquaintances didn't wish me yet.
They knew my birthday but they seems to forgot it or they don't have time for me.
It's okay sha. It makes no difference. They'll eventually leave and forget everything about you.

Been lying here on my bed for the whole day. Nothing special to do.
As I stare blankly onto the ceiling, thoughts starting to fill in my mind.
And of course, the majority is negative.
I feel so useless. I've been feeling this way for as long as I remember.
Doing nothing, being unproductive, not even a single change.
I envy those who work, study and do some good deeds.
You never know how stressful it is to be this way.
It becomes more stressful when no one really understand you.
They'll said "you're just lazy and effortless." or "stop being whiny. isn't it good to sit and do nothing?".
I swear. You never know.
You never know how much I want to change and being productive.
You never know so stop judging me.

Listening to That Winter, The Wind Blows OST just add in the sadness and sorrow feelings.
Tears falling unknowingly as I keep on thinking.
Somehow I think I'm at my limit but I wonder why am I still survive?
It's all thanks to Allah.

I miss him. My love.
I miss his laugh, his smile, his voice, his everything.
I need him to cheer me up. To make me strong.
If only I'm given a chance to hug him and cry in his embrace once. /sighs/

Summary.
It's a gloomy birthday for me.

-THE END-

Oh wait. It's not the end yet. /lol/
He surprised me before my birthday ends!
I tweeted to him "My birthday almost end. Can I at least get a good night selca as a present? :("
And tadaaa~ He tweeted a selca after few seconds with a caption "Good night Angels♥"! Kyaaaa~ I'm dying! /lol/
This is why I love you baby boo! ♥♥♥♥
It's a bittersweet birthday for me. :P

나의 마지막 사랑. My Last Love.

안녕하세요 여러분. 오늘 뭐해요? ㅋㅋㅋ
Okay I'm gonna write in English because I'm not that fluent yet.
So, how are you my invisible readers? /lol/

It's 2:12AM and I couldn't sleep.
Because of what?
That's what I'm going to talk about in this post.

It's because of HIM.
who's HIM?
He is...... hopefully..... My Last Love...
If its by Allah's will, he will be my last love...
I really hope he will..

I've been thinking of him every single seconds..
From the moment I wake up till I sleep at night, he's on my mind.
Whatever I do, I go, I buy or anything.... I thought of him.
Last Saturday, I went to watch sunset..

I cried alone because how I wish he was there with me.
I want to marry him, have kids, enjoy our life and grow old together.
I never thought of marrying before, even though I was in relationship few times.
But he give me this feeling like "He's the one for me!" which is quite impossible. /lol/
I wish I can just go tell him to marry me but that ain't sweet. /sighs/

And by the way, I just knew he had a warm body temperature.
It makes me want to be in his embrace all the time.
I dont want to let him go. I'm afraid he'll be taken away from me.
I'll probably be miserable. or worse.
I just hope he'll be mine, forever.

You're my last love, you are my last love

You're my last love, the person that will stay 'till the end

The one gift that I have received from the harsh world

A different miracle in front of my eyes

You are the last love

Good Morning! ^_^

Hello readers!
It's 6.50am here and I'm feeling fresh! :D
I slept very late last night but I woke up at 5.30am.
It is all because of my online games. /lol/
I'm currently playing ChefVille and Fashion Designer on Facebook.
I don't really like Facebook but the games are seriously tempting. /lol/
I have no choice.

Just done editing my blog post about my charity project.
Final edit! We have about 1 month and 2 weeks left.
I'm so scared. I just hope it will go as planned.
Time flies so fast huh? The day we planned this project was 7 months ago.
We thought we will have much time to do everything slowly.
Now we have to work fast. /sighs/

I don't have much things to say.
So, that's all for now.
Toodles~ ^o^

My Life...............

Good morning!
Today is Sunday, 26th May 2013.
Another boring day for me of course. LOL
I've been like this since December last year.
How pathetic. /sighs/






By the way, today is Tisha's college enrollment day.
She's going to MMU Melaka Campus, taking Foundation in Law.
Though it's not her choice, I'm sure she'll do fine.
At least that's what I hope.







I always feel bad and sad these days.
But I keep it to myself because I don't want to annoy other people.
They might say that I'm a crybaby.
I just don't know why. I feel empty inside.
It feels like something has been taken for me.
I don't know what it is.






I've been keeping distance from him, the one I love.
I don't even know why I'm like this.
Some people said I've changed. They hardly recognized me.
It all started last month. There are times I cried a lot because I don't know who I am.
I missed my old self too. The one who always laughs, jokes, talkative, etc.
Shasha, what has gotten into you?






I was checking through FB's news feed last night.
I saw my old friends. They changed a lot.
They became prettier, cuter, elegant, mature, etc.
Yes, I'm a girl who wants to look good in people's eyes.
But here I am, I have nothing to be proud of.
I feel extremely useless, fat and ugly.
Those are things that letting me down.
I don't want to be pretty if it will only cause negative things.
I only want to look pretty to specific people, like him.
Why is it so hard to do that? :((






Maybe there's a good reason behind all of these circumstances.
I know. All I need is be patient and hope for a miracle, I guess? /lol/
I'm so pathetic. I can't even do such easy things.
I think that is all for today. I gotta do something productive for my day.
Have a nice day people.






인생은 너무 힘들어서 난 죽을것같아.....
찬희 오빠.. 니가 필요해.. 날 안아줘 오빠.. ㅠㅠㅠ

stressful day :(

Hey readers.. :)
How was your day?
Mine was..... refer to the title please... /sighs
Okay.. lemme start from the beginning..

Last night i stayed up late at night...
The reason was... my friend said STPM result going to be reveal today..
Its not that i'm nervous...
I was checking on it through sms..
But then it said the service is still unavailable.. i tried twice and got the same response..
Since i'm quite disappointed, i went to sleep without saying goodbye to tlist...

Then early in the morning...
I woke up at 6:34am.. pretty early huh? Idek why.. orz
The first thing i did when i open my eyes was re-check my result.. same response, again.....
I gave up and went to online...
I checked DMs and mentions in twitter and replied to it... checking on some updates.. yeah, i'm a bit outdated these days... ><
Done with that, i went to eat and sleep again.. otl

Throughout the day, i received many bad news and some good news.. idek how to response to it so i ended up listening to music and eat.. i have no life...

Talk about life....
I'm having a mental breakdown right now.. Like seriously...
My friends were all like "I got a job!!" "I'm going for a vacation!!" This and that whatsoever~
Then there's me.. /otl/
I wanted to work... so bad...
But idek why i'm stuck here in my house... Being unproductive like i always am.. /sighs/
I was the one who said "I'm going to work after stpm!" to my friends but then they were the one who got job first.. This month included their 3rd salary.. Then there's me again.... /otl/

You guys have no idea how much i really want to work and being productive to my life.. i never meant to live like useless crap! ㅠㅠㅠ
I do have my own dreams.. and i want to make it true...
I do have my own desires... but i cant get it till now....
I dont want to blame anyone but i cant help it...
If it wasnt bc of you ppl, i would have gone there and got my 2nd salary by now... sighs
I feel so useless.. i'm such a failure..
I shouldnt have blame them... afterall, its my fault....

I'm gonna stop here bc totally blank...
Bye guys... take care and have a nice day...
1:55am, signing off! Xoxo